Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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