There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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