Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
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She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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