I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I can text with my tongue
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize