So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize