If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize