I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Two words: nipple clamps
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