I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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