i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize