xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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