I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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