would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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