my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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