I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize