2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
what the fuck happened to the tacos
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
