just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
All the doctor said was why
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize