In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
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I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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