so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize