hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I could fuck to npr.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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