why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize