Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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