david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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