i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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