I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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