My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I need water and some morals
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize