i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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