i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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