I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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