too bad you live with your parents still
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
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mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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