My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
thus making me awesome and them whores
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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