I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
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I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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