dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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