so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize