If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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