everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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