She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize