Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
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I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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