Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My pussy is not your playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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