apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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