dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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