I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My life is pants optional.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize