I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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