Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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