But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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