Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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