You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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