I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize