I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize