If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The best revenge is premature balding
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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