And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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