i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
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he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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